hi bros

I forgot to say yesterday that both my bros left this weekend: Christopher to England for three months, and Aaron to visit Mount Allison University in New Brunswick for two weeks. They're gone because they have far more interesting things going on in their lives than I do. This fact sent me into a bit of a funk that resulted in the conclusion that I have nothing going on because I have no focus in my life. See yesterday's post for more details on that.

See, when I think about things (my life, my future, etc.) I like the idea of the somewhat nomadic existence (a la Christopher) doing a variety of things for a short amount of time, thus preventing anything from getting too boring or too routine. But see, then I think to myself, "Alison, you handle change and anticipation worse than the US government handles climate change" and in reality, I'm not so sure I would like just wandering around the world with no where to call home. I mean, I would like that for a while, like probably six months to a year, and then I would want to come home. And that's the other problem...I like being close to my parents, which is great, except that my parents have decided to spend the rest of their days in This Particular Small Town Ontario, and I really, really, really hate the idea of spending many more years here. I mean, don't get me wrong, it's a lot better here than it is in Soulless Suburbia, Ontario, but still. This is a town with a lot of old people, and very few opportunities. It is really difficult to imagine a satisfying and interesting future in the context of this town. However, I can't for the life of me think of where else I would rather be, and so that whole thing bums me out. >sigh<.

So that's where the idea of focus came in. I thought, maybe where I am doesn't matter as much as what I'm choosing to focus my energy on. And in the past year, I haven't really been focused on anything. Perhaps by being excited about what I am doing, I will be less depressed about where I am. And if I am doing my own thing, and not just acting as a player in someone else's thing, than I can keep the interest and flexibility in my life to travel, to experiment, to be creative, to wake up at noon, to even take off for several months if I want to. All the while, doing something I care about, that is mine and that means something to me. I can have my own agenda. I can take it wherever I go. I can live somewhere without feeling chained to it.
>sigh again<. The whole thing sounds great. Now I just need a focus. Again, see yesterday's post for more information on that.

Wow. I got off on a long tangent. The only thing I was actually planning on saying today was, "Because my brothers are away, I've decided to write on my blog more frequently as an extra way of keeping in touch." You know what that means, right?

You can look forward to even more posts just like this one! Yay!