an unexpected sadness

My home is now in boxes, taped and labeled and stacked into piles. I thought this would be exciting, seeing one thing come apart in order to build something new, and so I am surprised to find myself unexpectedly sad at this temporary displacement of my belongings, and in many ways, my life. I have been anxious to leave this town from the moment I got here, so I suppose I overlooked how attached I actually became to this place. Perhaps part of what I am feeling is the universal unsettlement of leaving what you are comfortable with to step into something largely unknown. Ironic, since it was the desire to meet the unknown face-to-face that inspired me to move in the first place.

I am almost relieved, as this means that on some level I am able to feel content and happy and attached to a specific place. I so often feel restless that I worry that I don't have it in me to feel emotionally connected to any particular location, which I find alarming because all my friends and aquaintences love this town and have no desire to be anywhere else. On the other hand, we are all blessed or cursed with subtle and unexplained differences-for me, it has always been the yearning to know first hand and with my own eyes all there is to know and see...I almost feel that as human beings it is our responsibility to learn and discover as much as possible so that we can recycle that knowledge and experience into respect and appreciation for the diversity and differences that surround us. We need to see the world through as many eyes as possible in order to know how to make life better for everyone. But maybe other people have other yearnings that drive them in different ways, therefore bringing far more to the world than would be possible with a population of wandering, restless nomads.

While I acknowlege my regret at leaving my long-time home, I must remember why I wanted to leave in the first place. I am finally free from the commitments of college and contracts of local employment obligations. I am finally free to do just what I have been yearning to do: experience life elsewhere, do something new, and begin the process of systematically making the world a better place. Now that really IS exciting.

so it begins

I have given in to the trend that has swept all internet-connected countries and have started a blog. I have no explanation for this action, besides liking the idea that perhaps someone will read my thoughts and be inspired...or at least momentarily interested. And, in turn, I will feel that my ideas have been listened to and my opinions have contributed to a positive change in the world.

That said, I think we have just discovered that this blog is actually here to indulge my self-centred need to feel important. I could start feeling guilty about that, but hey, blogs were invented for a reason...and besides, I still like to believe in the possibility that something small could make a difference.