finding focus

Growing up, I always knew what I wanted to do with my life. Sure, it changed here and there, but at any given moment, I always had a definitive plan for the future. I was always SO focused and motivated, to the point of obsession throughout college. Then I graduated and got what I thought was my dream job, with the possibility of climbing the ladder to "better" positions, etc. etc. Except that I ended up hating the job, not to mention that whole culture of working more than you play, schmoozing with higher-ups in an effort to climb higher, too, and basically making work a #1 focus because there really isn't time for other things. I wanted to shoot myself. Don't worry...I didn't. But I did quit. And Joel and I left the suburbs for a more rural environment, and life improved immediately.

However, I am not ready for the "Happily Ever After" just yet. That big switch happened just over a year ago, and in the past year I really have just been trying to take it easy, to de-focus myself, if anything. I mean, I had just spent years fixated on the whole college-graduate-dream job scenario, and that all fell apart. So, I have intentionally spent the past year not really getting involved in anything too heavily. I have a part time job that isn't too taxing. I've done a lot of volunteer work. I've reintroduced myself to some of my favourite hobbies, and now, a year later, I feel like I am finally ready for a focus again.

Except that I don't know what I want to do. I don't want a career. I want to fill my time with something that is flexible, fun, that isn't adding to the world's problems (and is perhaps helping to solve them!) and that will make some money here and there, that I am (preferably) in charge of, and that has the chance to grow or evolve, without being a failure if it doesn't turn into the World's Next Big Thing. I don't want to be connected with the education system, the government, or anything else that has a tendency to get bureaucratic and restrictive.

All I really want is to have an interesting life, I guess. I want to be creative and have the ability to spend time with people I care about. I'd like to travel and discover a little more about the world. I don't mind working hard...I just want to do something that I know is worth it, at least to me, and that gives life some degree of meaning, once in a while.

So, if you find the above job posting somewhere, pass it on.