my first-ever blog fashion show

Check it out!

and

yes, it is me kicking mass-produced corporate ass with my one of a kind hand knit socks. And because Penny is also very socially conscientious and wanted to get in on the don't-buy-what-you-can-make-yourself movement, I made her a little something as well (she couldn't quite do it herself, do to a lack of opposable thumbs - an important aspect of knitting). Everywhere we go, the other dogs stop and stare, and I know they're thinking, "Maybe I should stand up for something, too."

I am pretty happy with both projects...this was the first pair of socks I've ever made and they turned out well. They didn't take very long to make, either, which is always a big bonus (sitting on a Disney movie set for three days really helped in the "time to knit" department, but that's a story for another moment). I am, however, particularly pleased with the collar because it's the first knitting project I designed myself. It turned out awesome. Penny and I both feel that it brings out her natural flair for style. It also kicks off something I've really wanted to do for a long time: design and create my own clothes and accessories, for myself and others, people and animals alike.

My friends, we have entered a new era.

in the good old days...

Is it possible to feel sentimental for a time you were never a part of? I have been contemplating that question since this past summer when I went to a "dinner and entertainment" night at the arts school. It was wonderful. The entertainment was musician David Archibald and he was performing songs from the summer of 1967. There were a number of people in the audience who were obviously around for the summer of 1967 and were up dancing and singing along with all the songs. I, too, was already familiar with most of the songs, but seeing them performed, and seeing the audience, and feeling the energy and atmosphere and passion created by those particular songs made me wish it was 1967 again, except this time around I would be there too.

I don't know where I'm going with this, exactly...it's just something I've been thinking about lately. It leaves me feeling like I missed out on something, like somehow there were more people willing to stand for something or wanting to make a difference then than there are now. I feel like music and art came together as a voice where they now are too often products of a money-hungry industry. I feel like young people wanted to be a revolution, where they are now too often worried about just getting a half-decent job. And then I wonder if my perception isn't just a little skewed because people often look back on their youth with rose-coloured glasses, and that's how I have learned about the 60's and 70's - through the eyes of parents and others who "were there," and I pick up on their sentimentalism. That might be true, and yet there aren't legions of people proclaiming that all they need is love, anymore, and I guess that's where I start getting bummed out, because I wish there still were or, more than that, I wish there was again. Perhaps I am confusing sentimentalism with a desire for things to be different, and 1967's Summer of Love is the closest thing history offers as an example of how I wish things were now. I don't know, I don't know. I do know that there are a lot of things about society and politics and mainstream culture and lifestyles that could really benefit from a revolution right now. I'm 22. It's my generation that could make a difference right now, that could create another voice to add to the echoes of the hippies and the beats and all the dreamers and questioners of the past, so at the very least our children will hear our music and say, "We need to keep making this difference."

After all, the world doesn't belong to a single generation, it belongs to all of us. And wouldn't that be so much better than being 50 and looking back on this decade of my youth and sighing sentimentally, "Those were the days - we really stuck to the textbook and lived exactly the way society wanted us to."

BLEH!!!

a quarter-life crisis

I feel myself getting discouraged. Again. Worse, perhaps, is that I feel discouraged about being discouraged because Joel and I just moved into our own place again, which I've been looking forward to for months. I was seeing this as my opportunity to start some new things, to create a lifestyle that allows for the time to write and do my own thing and work on my own projects and essentially follow my dreams. We've been here for a week and I haven't done anything yet. I have sat down multiple times to start writing a new story or drawing a new picture and my whole being freezes up and nothing happens. It's frustrating, but not new. I have had this problem before. I have also only been here a week, so I admit that it's a little premature to jump the gun and say I am incapable of accomplishing anything. So while all this is annoying, it is not in fact the problem.

The reason I am really discouraged is because I just got a job promotion. This is discouraging because I never actually wanted a job to begin with. I want to be a starving artist. I used to be a preschool teacher and I quit that job so I could be a starving artist. Then one month Joel and I were desperately strapped for money (which, granted, is what happens to starving artists). Joel already works full time. So I said, "Well, maybe I could work one day a week somewhere." I very quickly got a job as a childcare provider at a parent/child program, one day a week. Good. Some extra money, and I still had four weekdays to myself. Hurray.

Well, then my employer asked if I could provide childcare at another program on Fridays. "Okay," I said, because it's only for a few hours and the Friday group is much different than the other group, so the job is genuinely fun. Life went on, until a couple weeks ago when my employer promoted me to child programming coordinator and gave me another day of work. Now I work three days a week and my job actually has more responsibilities than simply showing up each day. I am so frustrated. This is not what I wanted, and yet I ended up here why? Because as much as I don't like it, it's easier to do this than trust myself with something else? Because I can't say "no" to people? Because for some reason I decided to take Early Childhood Education in college, so now everyone in the country knows me as an Early Childhood Educator and I cannot for the life of me figure out how to send out the message: "No, I don't want to do this work anymore, I want to be a writer," which, incidentally is what I have ALWAYS wanted to do, since I was seven years old, even while I was in college learning how to be an Early Childhood Educator. This is so frustrating. Taking Early Childhood Education in college was the worst decision I ever made, because now it follows me around everywhere I go, getting in the way of other, more interesting opportunities. No one thinks I'm a writer. People are suprised when they find out I enjoy art, let alone create it. Instead, everyone looks at me and thinks, "Look, there's an Early Childhood Educator. I should ask her to look after my kids." I don't want people to think that anymore. I don't want people to see me that way anymore. And yet, because people do know I'm an ECE, I only encounter ECE opportunities. And, because I do need to make some money, I feel forced into taking those ECE opportunities because nothing ever happens in any other way. And because I start working so much as an ECE, I have less time to pursue other things, and then I become more and more of an ECE and less and less of a writer. This is like cracking an addiction to cocaine. It's discouraging.

So, instead of starting my new life at my new apartment by writing a novel, I have become a child programming coordinator.

Good thing I still have Mondays and Tuesdays off to complain about it on my blog.

i'm back

After one week short of a year, I am back. This is exciting. The month of September always makes me want to start something new, or in this case renew something I unfortunately gave up after too short a time. Here's to another beginning!

happy canada

This e-mail was recently forwarded to me, asking for my agreement and requesting that I send it on to everyone I know if I do indeed agree. Before we get started, let me state that I DO NOT on any level agree with the ideas that are stated here. In fact, I was so upset and appalled by the e-mail that it almost brought me to tears, as melodramatic as that sounds. Please, read on...people need to try to understand each other before any problem can be solved, but more than that, it is actually reading stuff like this that can validate in your own mind how you actually feel about some things, and that CAN be powerful.

Subject: Article printed in the Toronto Star

Maybe this will hit home to the politicians who just made it okay
for ceremonial swords to be worn to school and who years ago gave
permission for turbans to be worn by certain RCMP officers instead
of the normal attire.

Will we still be the Country of choice and still be Canada if we
continue to make the changes forced on us by the people from other
countries that came to live in Canada because it is the Country of
Choice?????? Think about it!

All we have to say is, when will they do something about MY RIGHTS?
I celebrate Christmas, but because it isn't celebrated by
everyone we can no longer say Merry Christmas. Now it
has to be Season's Greetings. It's not Christmas vacation, it's Winter Break.
Isn't it amazing how this winter break ALWAYS occurs over the Christmas
holiday? We've gone so far the other way, bent over backwards to not offend
anyone, that I am now being offended. But it seems that no one has a
problem with that.

This says it all! This is an editorial written in a Toronto newspaper.

IMMIGRANTS, NOT CANADIANS MUST ADAPT.

I am tired of this nation worrying about whether we are offending
some individual or their culture. Since the terrorist attacks on
Sept. 11, we have experienced a surge in patriotism by the majority of
Canadians. However...... the dust from the attacks had barely
settled when the "politically correct! " crowd began complaining
about the possibility that our patriotism was offending others.

I am not against immigration, nor do I hold a grudge against anyone
who is seeking a better life by coming to Canada. Our population is
almost entirely made up of descendants of immigrants. However, there
are a few things that those who have recently come to our country,
and apparently some born here, need to understand. This idea of
Canada being a multicultural community has served only to dilute our
sovereignty and our national identity. As Canadians.......we have
our own culture, our own society, our own language and our own lifestyle.
This culture has been developed over centuries of struggles, trials, and
victories by millions of men and women who have sought freedom.

We speak ENGLISH/FRENCH, not Spanish, Portuguese, Arabic, Chinese,
Japanese, Russian, or any other language. Therefore, if you wish to become
part of our society, learn the language!

"We Stand On Guard For Thee" is our national motto. This is not some
Christian, right wing, political slogan.. We adopted this motto
because Christian men and women, on Christian
principles, founded this nation..... and this is clearly
documented. It is certainly appropriate to display it on the walls of
our schools.

If God offends you, then I suggest you consider another part of the
world as your new home, because God is part of our culture.

We are happy with our culture and have no desire to change, and we
really don't care how you did things where you came from.

This is OUR COUNTRY, our land, and our lifestyle.

But once you are done complaining....... whining...... and
griping....... about our flag.......our pledge...... our national
motto........or our way of life....I highly encourage you to take advantage of
one other Great Canadian Freedom.......THE RIGHT TO LEAVE.

So that is that, but I can't end without adding a couple thoughts of my own. Yes, Canadians DO have that right to leave, and quite frankly if our country's vibrant multiculturalism bothers some people, those people need to be aware that there are other countries that are far less open-minded than ours, that do not encourage the co-existance of other backgrounds and traditions, and expect all people to hold the same beliefs and lifestyles. So, perhaps those Canadians who are offended by people's differences should consider moving elsewhere. It's sad, though, because anyone who sees a person different than themselves and instantly writes them off as a threat to Canadian culture is missing out on the most beautiful thing about being a Canadian. Because in Canada, we ARE multicultural--that IS a part of our identity, like it or not. After all, Canada's population growth is due mostly to new immigrants, so why should the white "Christian" Canadians expect that all these beautiful new Canadians adopt everything we have done in the past? By coming here, they do adopt a lot of our culture, more than most people realise, but they also add to it, too, by bringing their own histories, their own stories, their own clothing, languages, food and beliefs. They are NEW Canadians...they are not a part of our past, but they are a part of our future.

This is all a part of time passing and history being made. Canada isn't a predominately white, Christian country anymore, but thanks to it's multiculturalism, it is still okay to BE a white, Christian Canadian. What isn't okay is thinking that that is the only way to be because that's the way it was in the past.

So, before you eat another snack of crackers and cheese (French) or take another sip of your coffee (Ethiopian), before you attend your next yoga class (Hindu) or listen to music containing a piano (Italian) ask yourself what any of us would be, from any country, if we never learned from, loved, and respected each other. Borders and countries are man-made. In the bigger, purer picture, this world belongs to, and is shared by all of us. The problem is not immigration. The problem is a lack of respect...and in order to recieve respect from other people, you need to try doling it out, first.

P.S. It is still okay to say "Merry Christmas," but on the same note, it is also okay when someone says "Happy Hunakkah," "Happy Ramadan" or "Have a great holiday."

here it is

My new life has started, and has actually been in place for two weeks now...the ambitious and optimistic part of myself expected something more dynamic than reality has provided, and so as of yet I have no life-changing and world-shifting stories to report. I am, however, delighted at my personal growth. If the world is not a better place for it yet, I believe it will be with time. I am a believer in both accumulating changes over time to make an ultimately larger impact, and the butterfly effect theory--you never can actually know the true consequences of a solitary action, however small. Since almost any individual person would have a difficult time making positive and effective changes to the foundations of society over a two week period, I have focused mostly on improving my own lifestlye, partly to avoid becoming a lifestlye hyprocrite and partly to keep myself motivated to do more, on an increasingly larger scale.

Since moving here, I have walked an hour and a half a day as my "commute" to and from work, instead of burning fossil fuels and subjecting myself to road-rage (which, unfortunately I seem to be quite prone to. Hopefully that will go away with time as well). I have also stopped eating meat out of respect for other life, not to mention the energy sources it takes to produce livestock for the sole purpose of killing them. I even went thrift shopping, a relatively unheard-of event in the life and times of Princess Sunshine (I am an incurable shopper, and so instead of trying to break myself from a love of clothing and style, I am aiming to redirect it). I am trying not to buy things new anymore, since it is far more efficient (and much less expensive, it turns out) to buy items that are previously owned. It falls under that whole "reuse" section of the three R's. It is also connected to my dislike of all things capitalist and corporate, but that is a different topic for a different time.

What I have learned over the past two weeks is that these personal lifestyle changes I have accomplished can hardly be called an accomplishment at all. I have been amazed again and again by how easy it is to live a simpler and more world-friendly life. If all people could see how easy and satisfying it is to walk to the grocery store instead of drive, to use cloth bags instead of plastic ones, to make vegetarian meals instead of following a diet centred on meat, than I really believe more people would choose this route. It is cheaper, it leaves a person with more energy, and it provides one with the underlying feeling of doing something of greater good, and those are just some of the selfish reasons! I was expecting a far greater battle. Now I suppose I have learned that my battle lies elsewhere, and that's fine. I can't run out of things to do yet! This story really has only just begun.

an unexpected sadness

My home is now in boxes, taped and labeled and stacked into piles. I thought this would be exciting, seeing one thing come apart in order to build something new, and so I am surprised to find myself unexpectedly sad at this temporary displacement of my belongings, and in many ways, my life. I have been anxious to leave this town from the moment I got here, so I suppose I overlooked how attached I actually became to this place. Perhaps part of what I am feeling is the universal unsettlement of leaving what you are comfortable with to step into something largely unknown. Ironic, since it was the desire to meet the unknown face-to-face that inspired me to move in the first place.

I am almost relieved, as this means that on some level I am able to feel content and happy and attached to a specific place. I so often feel restless that I worry that I don't have it in me to feel emotionally connected to any particular location, which I find alarming because all my friends and aquaintences love this town and have no desire to be anywhere else. On the other hand, we are all blessed or cursed with subtle and unexplained differences-for me, it has always been the yearning to know first hand and with my own eyes all there is to know and see...I almost feel that as human beings it is our responsibility to learn and discover as much as possible so that we can recycle that knowledge and experience into respect and appreciation for the diversity and differences that surround us. We need to see the world through as many eyes as possible in order to know how to make life better for everyone. But maybe other people have other yearnings that drive them in different ways, therefore bringing far more to the world than would be possible with a population of wandering, restless nomads.

While I acknowlege my regret at leaving my long-time home, I must remember why I wanted to leave in the first place. I am finally free from the commitments of college and contracts of local employment obligations. I am finally free to do just what I have been yearning to do: experience life elsewhere, do something new, and begin the process of systematically making the world a better place. Now that really IS exciting.

so it begins

I have given in to the trend that has swept all internet-connected countries and have started a blog. I have no explanation for this action, besides liking the idea that perhaps someone will read my thoughts and be inspired...or at least momentarily interested. And, in turn, I will feel that my ideas have been listened to and my opinions have contributed to a positive change in the world.

That said, I think we have just discovered that this blog is actually here to indulge my self-centred need to feel important. I could start feeling guilty about that, but hey, blogs were invented for a reason...and besides, I still like to believe in the possibility that something small could make a difference.